Month: January 2011

An American tourist asks an Irish fisherman: “Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats into the water?” To which the Irishman replies: “If dey fell forwards they’d still be in the fookin’ boat.”

A man goes to the doctor, who checks him over and says, “I’m sorry, it’s bad news. You’ve got Yellow 24, a really nasty virus. It’s called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live. There’s no known cure. All you can do is go home […]

When a lonely frog consults a fortune-teller, he’s told not to worry. “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl,” she says, “and she will want to know everything about you.” “That’s great!” says the excited frog. “When will I meet her?” “Next semester,” says the psychic, “in biology class.”

A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park. Her mother was touched by the child’s kindness and gave her the required sum. “There you are, my dear,” said the mother. “But, tell me, isn’t the lady able to work any more?” “Oh yes,” came the […]

Three engineers and three accountants are travelling by train to a conference. At the station, the accountants watch as the engineers buy only a single ticket between them. “How can 3 people travel on only one ticket?” asks an accountant. “Just watch,” says an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their seats […]

John was furious when his steak arrived too rare. “Waiter,” he shouted, “Didn’t you hear me say, ‘well done’?” “Oh, thank you, sir,” replied the waiter. “I hardly ever get a compliment.”

A while back I was reading an engineering magazine which contained an advertisement for “microtunnelling”. I wondered what microtunnelling was until I realised it was a little bit boring.

A chicken and a duck were standing on the side of the road. The chicken turned to the duck and said “Don’t! You’ll never hear the end of it.”

Catholic guy goes into the confessional box. He notices on one side a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest Cuban cigars. Then the priest comes in. “Father, forgive me, for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession, but I […]

This is a question that’s been at the forefront of discussion amongst the most prestigious scholars and lawmakers of the world. Finally, after getting them all together – the question has been answered.