-
Love, Loyalty and Ethics
‘A true friend will help you hide a body,’ is an oft-repeated sentiment on social media. It’s meant as a joke, but it reinforces a misconception about what friendship and loyalty mean. What can we do when someone we love – a family member, partner, or a close friend – expects us to back them […]
-
Strengthen Your Inner Witness
Do you feel guilty going through customs, even when you have nothing to hide? Are you extremely nervous at job interviews, or meeting new people? Chances are you have a mean inner critic. An inner critic is an imaginary character who holds the worst possible opinions of you and tells you exactly what they think, […]
-
The Chicken or the Egg? The Person or Their Opinion?
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Of course, there’s no definite answer, and if there was, it would make little difference. Yet last year, an argument about this very question led to an Indonesian man killing his friend. News reports never mentioned which side he took, but consider this – did killing his […]
-
What Counts at Work…
Have you ever thought about how your job affects your attitudes? When I worked with children in care, I came to believe that all children were passive and that every generation was doomed to be less capable than the last. Similarly, I knew a store detective whose default attitude to strangers was to be suspicious […]
-
Is Anger Necessary for Change?
Some people say we should strive never to be angry. Others say that anger is what drives us to make things better. Who is right? First, it helps to understand that anger involves both feelings and thoughts. The feeling alerts us that something is not going the way we think it should. A good question […]
-
Paying it forward
April 28th is Global Pay It Forward Day, which got me thinking about the first time I was urged to pay forward a favour instead of paying it back. A keen but poor student, I wanted to enrol in an extra-curricular weekend course. With a catered lunch, the training cost more than I could afford. […]
-
Frozen Stress
Recently I saw a talk by Thomas Hübl, a specialist in collective trauma. He asked an unusual question: How often do you think about your freezer? That section of your fridge can be forgotten about for weeks at a stretch, but all the time it’s working hard to keep your foods frozen. We don’t think […]
-
Tips to help with low mood
Tips to help with low mood: Sometimes it’s hard to shake off a low mood. Things we normally enjoy seem suddenly boring or pointless and we find ourselves filling our time with distracting, yet unfulfilling activities. When we finally face the fact that we are not okay, our first response is often, “What’s wrong with […]
-
Be the Change or Take Action
Paulo Coelho said, “The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion.” Not surprising, since most of our opinions relate to what other people should do – people who are largely unaffected by what we think. Also, we’re usually far more comfortable expressing our opinions to people who agree with us, or people […]
-
Freedom and Rules
Years ago, I worked in the adoption service, where it was my job to interview couples who wanted to adopt. As the government agency for child protection, it was our duty to ensure the child’s safety and to approve all suitable applicants without prejudice. (Very few were turned down.) The criteria were different for the […]