Month: December 2013

  • Fear of change creates a comfort trap

    Studies have shown that people who become paraplegics after an accident are only slightly less happy a year later than they were before the accident. By the same token, big lotto winners are back to their previous happiness level within a year. When something big happens, good or bad, people soon become accustomed to it. […]

  • Comparisons

    Everything is relative. To answer a question like: “How happy are you with your life?” we cannot answer without comparing our situation with some point of reference. If that point of reference is how much poorer we were three years ago, or our unfortunate friend who has just had heart attack, or the plight of […]

  • Why me?

    When something bad happens, many people’s first reaction is “Why me?” This is not a genuine question but a rhetorical one; it’s a statement that what happened was unfair and undeserved. As long as we stay in this place of complaining that things are not as they should be, we remain stuck and unhappy. However, […]

  • Problem dog

    “I’ve really had it with my dog,” said the first guy to his neighbor. “He’ll chase anyone on a bicycle” “Hmmm, that is a problem,” said the neighbor. “What are you thinking of doing about it?” “Guess the only answer is to confiscate his bike!”

  • Striving for perfection

    Humans strive for perfection in so many ways; we want the perfect house, body, partner. A mental picture of how something should or could be gives us something to work towards. Yet we all know that perfection is impossible. The word ‘perfect’ comes from Latin roots, meaning ‘completed’ or ‘finished’ (like the perfect tense). Perfection […]

  • Compassion and challenge

    For years I cultivated compassion, not wanting to become desensitised to the suffering in the world. At times I felt overwhelmed by all the suffering around me and wanted to alleviate it wherever possible. A couple of years ago I attended a seminar with Caroline Myss, a spiritual leader whose books I had been reading. […]

  • Power and humility

    In our daily lives there are people who have a certain amount of power over us (our employer, landlady, teacher) and people over whom we hold positions of relative power (our children, employees, students). To maximise social happiness, power must be used wisely and with humility. I remember one work situation where my boss started […]

  • Whose story are you living out?

    As a narrative counsellor, I am very aware that we make sense of our experiences in terms of stories. A bad experience, such as giving a presentation that doesn’t go well, might be interpreted as a turning point in a story of failure – “That was the day my career fell to pieces” – or […]

  • A few jokes

    Paddy texts his wife. “Mary, I’m just having one more pint with the lads. If I’m not back in 20 minutes, read this message again.” * * * * * We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church, and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance. At one point, our minister had […]

  • Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics

    We say that actions speak louder than words – and indeed they should. But in actual fact we have to be extremely vigilant in order to avoid simply accepting what we are told. Our human brains seem to be wired to process information quickly and efficiently by slotting it into pre-existing sets of beliefs. Something […]