One reason we find it hard to be happy is that we persistently deny ourselves permission. Faulty reasoning makes us think that being happy would be somehow selfish and wrong.
For example: If someone I love is suffering, to be cheerful would feel unkind. If I’m grieving for someone I love, it seems disloyal to laugh. Enjoying a nice meal means being insensitive to the plight of those struggling to find enough to eat. If a walk in nature brings me joy, I must be in denial about climate change. If I listen to uplifting music or appreciate a work of art, I’m living in a fantasy land because the ’real world’ is in a mess.
All these conclusions are based on the notion that happiness is merely a response to the absence of suffering. We must wait for things to get better (somehow) before we can be happy. We see suffering as active and happiness as passive.
But what if we saw happiness as an active, vital force and suffering as merely its absence? We would turn those arguments on their head.
If someone I love is suffering, I can uplift them by bringing more joy into their life. If I’m grieving, I can honour my loved one by infusing memories of them into the special moments of my day. My concern for people undergoing poverty and famine is strengthened when I show gratitude for a nice meal and safe home. When I value the natural beauty around me, I reinforce my motivation to do something about climate change. And it’s precisely because the world is in a mess, that I need to recharge my batteries to give me the strength to deal with it.
Stephanie Hills ©