Some people say we should strive never to be angry. Others say that anger is what drives us to make things better. Who is right?
First, it helps to understand that anger involves both feelings and thoughts. The feeling alerts us that something is not going the way we think it should. A good question to ask ourselves when we’re angry is: Am I being reasonable? We all know people who seem angry all the time. They have unreasonable expectations, like: Things should always go my way. Other people should always agree with me. I won’t put myself out for anybody. My rights are more important than yours. Beliefs like these set someone up to be angry a lot, since life is filled with inconvenient moments and compromises. Such people don’t make things better for themselves or anyone else by their anger.
More justifiable beliefs like: People in positions of power should use their power wisely, might have us feeling angry when we see injustice, prompting a desire for change. However, the intensity of the feeling often relates directly to how much it affects us personally. And strong anger often hides other, less easily acknowledged feelings, such as guilt, shame, grief, embarrassment or hurt. So another good question to ask ourselves is: What other feelings might be adding fuel to my anger?
Once we’re clear about what’s going on and what needs to change (be it ourself or the situation), it pays to have a clear head when we decide how to respond. Intense anger can make us behave stupidly, overreacting, causing harm and sabotaging our best intentions. Overall, anger is a normal human emotion, best used as a starting point for enquiry; a helpful servant, but a terrible master.
Stephanie Hills ©