Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Of course, there’s no definite answer, and if there was, it would make little difference. Yet last year, an argument about this very question led to an Indonesian man killing his friend. News reports never mentioned which side he took, but consider this – did killing his opponent mean he won the argument?
The story seems particularly absurd because of the trivial topic and the extreme outcome, but to some extent we all behave that way. When we hear something we don’t agree with, our reptilian brain can react as if we’re facing danger. Our first impulse is to act as though the speaker is a threat. This explains why differences of opinion can get so heated and why opponents can start to attack one another – with name-calling, slurs, or even violence – rather than focussing on changing the other person’s mind.
Debating is the art of putting together a sound argument, without resorting to irrelevancies or put-downs. Debating clubs used to be common, but sadly, the art of debating seems to be in decline. Even those in high positions often resort to cheap point-scoring to humiliate their opponent, rather than using solid reasoning to convince.
If faced with someone whose views you find abhorrent or cruel, you will benefit the world more by getting them to change their mind than by making them suffer or provoking their anger. But to do so, you must consider their attitude as the target, rather than the person themselves.
When your brain hits that alarm button, take a moment to breathe so that your rational brain can switch back on. A calm conversation can become a teaching and learning experience for you both, rather than a battle that you have to ‘win’.
Stephanie Hills ©