Month: January 2011

One summer afternoon, Former President Bill Clinton and his wife Hillary were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. After a long road trip, they stopped at a service station to fill up their car with gas. As it turns out, the owner of the gas station was Hillary’s old high school boyfriend. They exchanged […]

An ambitious young blonde woman, in need of money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type. She began, door to door, canvassing a wealthy neighbourhood for work. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint […]

A woman is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. Down to her last $100, completely exasperated, she cries, “What horrible luck! What in the world should I do now?” A gentleman next to her, trying to calm her down a bit, calmly suggests, “I don’t know… Why don’t you play your […]

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there […]

Here’s a great way to get in shape: Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, […]

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, ‘Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?’ He ignored me and continued writing […]

A young sailor is sitting in a bar having a few drinks when looks over and sees a pirate. The pirate has a wooden peg-leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over his eye. Unable to resist, the sailor goes over and asks, “How’d you end up with the peg-leg?” “I was swept […]

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long happy life?” “I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty […]

“Doctor, I have an ear ache.” o 2000 B.C. – “Here, eat this root.” o 1000 B.C. – “That root is heathen, say this prayer.” o 1850 A.D. – “That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.” o 1940 A.D. – “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.” o 1985 A.D. – “That pill is […]

The difference between a neurotic and a psychotic: A psychotic thinks that 2 + 2 = 5. A neurotic knows the answer is 4, but it worries him.