Do you feel guilty going through customs, even when you have nothing to hide? Are you extremely nervous at job interviews, or meeting new people? Chances are you have a mean inner critic. An inner critic is an imaginary character who holds the worst possible opinions of you and tells you exactly what they think, before the real person – the customs officer, job interviewer or new acquaintance – has had a chance to get to know you at all. This imaginary character saps your confidence, causing you to come across as guilty, incompetent or unlikeable. In other words, you act as though you believe your inner critic, even when you know that in real life you are innocent, competent and a good person.
People with a strong inner critic find it hard feel better until a real-life person temporarily shuts the critic up by showing approval. Thus, effectively, they give away their power to other people, making them easy targets for narcissists and liars.
One way to counter the inner critic is to create an imaginary cheerleader. What might such a character say to encourage you? Think of the way you would talk to your best friend and let your inner cheerleader talk to you that way.
Even better, though, is to develop your inner witness – a point of view that is not imaginary at all. Your inner witness is your sense of truth; that little voice or intuitive knowing that tells you what is real. If you can learn to tune in to that, strengthen it and rely on it – without the need for confirmation from others – your confidence will skyrocket and you can never be manipulated again. Best of all, people will get to see the real you in all your wonderful uniqueness.
Stephanie Hills ©