The Harvard Adult Development Study began in 1938 and still runs to this day. It started by looking at the lifestyle, habits and health of 724 men, both working class and Harvard students, with the aim of following the subjects over a long period, to see what factors early in life might predict good health and happiness later on. Over time the study expanded to include their spouses, children and grandchildren – over 2,500 subjects in all.
The most unexpected finding was that good relationships are central to happiness. This refers to happy intimate partner relationships as well as good relationships with friends and people generally. People in happy relationships in their 50s were found to be both happier and healthier in their 80s.
So happiness is not just an individual pursuit, but a reflection of our nature as social beings. Our capitalist economy urges us to compete and to strive for self-reliance, but it turns out that people who rely on others, and who are themselves reliable, are the happiest. Good relationships are not transactional – we don’t buy happiness by choosing the best partner and paying the asking price. Rather, they are reciprocal, meaning that each party is willingly there for the other out of loving concern.
Obviously, managing disagreements or differences in priorities is a necessary skill for keeping relationships harmonious and, interestingly, the maturity to manage life’s difficulties was another factor found to be a strong correlate with happiness. If you can’t cope unless things go your way, you’re unlikely to be happy with your life. Unsurprisingly, your friends or partners probably won’t be happy with you either. Good self-management and good relationships go together. Both are indicators of a happy life.
Stephanie Hills ©