Category: Jokes

The recent theft of crown jewels from the Louvre reminds us of the time a guy in Paris nearly got away with the same thing. However, after planning the crime, and getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his vehicle ran out of petrol. When asked how he […]

Does music express emotions or just elicit them? Read the next 200 pages to not find out.                                                                                      ~ Welldogmycats Nanoparticles are weird and I accidentally made a bomb and electrocuted myself.                                                                                           ~ M33 Sand washes away, don’t build important stuff on it.     ~ Zoidy You can make antimatter move in […]

Someone set fire to Mary and John’s shed, so Mary rings the insurance agent.“It was insured for fifteen grand,” she says. “Please send a cheque.”“Whoa .. hold on just a minute,” says the agent, “… insurance doesn’t work like that. We have to send round an independent adjuster who will assess your loss and get […]

It was Monday morning, and Mum was having a tough time preparing a rebellious son for another week at school. “Nobody likes me,” he groaned. “The teachers don’t like me. The kids don’t like me. I just don’t want to go any more.” “Pull yourself together,” said his mother. “School can be tough, but at […]

At the bank, I told the cashier, “I’d like to open a joint account please.”“OK, with whom?”“Someone with lots of money.” * * * * Last night I got so drunk, I walked across the dance floor to get another drink and won the dance contest. * * * * When I drink alcohol, everyone […]

Sam walked into his sister’s kitchen and found his nephew, Mitch, having a snack. “Where’s your mother?” he asked. “She said she was going to have a shower. Just a minute, I’ll see.” Mitch went to the kitchen tap and turned the hot water on full blast. A sharp yell came from above. Mitch calmly […]

My grandfather worked as a blacksmith in a butcher shop. He shooed flies. * * * * I once worked in a factory that made fire hydrants, but there was nowhere to park. * * * * Barry calls his boss and says, “I’m having trouble with my eyes.”“What’s wrong with them?” the boss asks.Barry: […]

A driving instructor was giving lessons to an extremely nervous student, who panicked whenever another car approached on a particular two-lane road. One day, however, they got to the same stretch of road and the student was completely calm. “You’re doing fine, today!” exclaimed the instructor.“Yes,” agreed the learner. “Now, when I see another car […]

A yogi in the Himalayas was a great spiritual leader. He walked in the mountains in bare feet. He also had a peculiar diet that made him a bit weak and gave him bad breath. You could say he was a…  super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. * * * *  When I sang […]

One day Jim and John were taking Jim’s dog for a walk. “I’ve taught my dog to whistle,” Jim said proudly. “What do you mean?”, said John, “He’s not whistling”. “I know”, said Jim. “I said I’d taught him. I didn’t say he’d learned”. * * * * * * “My sister and I have […]