Category: Jokes

Sam walked into his sister’s kitchen and found his nephew, Mitch, having a snack. “Where’s your mother?” he asked. “She said she was going to have a shower. Just a minute, I’ll see.” Mitch went to the kitchen tap and turned the hot water on full blast. A sharp yell came from above. Mitch calmly […]

My grandfather worked as a blacksmith in a butcher shop. He shooed flies. * * * * I once worked in a factory that made fire hydrants, but there was nowhere to park. * * * * Barry calls his boss and says, “I’m having trouble with my eyes.”“What’s wrong with them?” the boss asks.Barry: […]

A driving instructor was giving lessons to an extremely nervous student, who panicked whenever another car approached on a particular two-lane road. One day, however, they got to the same stretch of road and the student was completely calm. “You’re doing fine, today!” exclaimed the instructor.“Yes,” agreed the learner. “Now, when I see another car […]

A yogi in the Himalayas was a great spiritual leader. He walked in the mountains in bare feet. He also had a peculiar diet that made him a bit weak and gave him bad breath. You could say he was a…  super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. * * * *  When I sang […]

One day Jim and John were taking Jim’s dog for a walk. “I’ve taught my dog to whistle,” Jim said proudly. “What do you mean?”, said John, “He’s not whistling”. “I know”, said Jim. “I said I’d taught him. I didn’t say he’d learned”. * * * * * * “My sister and I have […]

Pressimism: Gloomy outlook on life resulting from reading the news.Percycution: Giving your child a name he will hate for the rest of his life.Headshunted: A sideways promotion.Sluggage: Bags that turn up two days after you do.Gymnauseum: Forcing yourself to go to the gym when you really don’t want to.Satire: Found a seat in a more […]

“My dad suggested I register for a donor card. He is a man after my own heart”        ~ Masai Graham  “Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job – knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.”   ~ Alan Rowe            “I decided to sell my […]

A friend always seemed to lean slightly to the left. It bothered me, so I suggested that he see a doctor and have his legs checked out. For years, he refused, telling me I was crazy, but last week, he finally went. Sure enough, the doctor discovered his left leg was a centimetre shorter than […]

The fog was so thick I could only see a few metres ahead. Luckily there was another car travelling slowly in front of me, so I followed it carefully, keeping my eyes trained on its tail-lights. We continued like this for what seemed like hours, when the car in front suddenly came to a complete […]

Granddad was reminiscing about the good old days…    “When I was a lad, Mum would send me down to the dairy with a shilling, and I’d come back with five pounds of potatoes, two loaves of bread, three pints of milk, a pound of cheese, a packet of tea, and half a dozen eggs.” […]