Category: Jokes

Granddad was reminiscing about the good old days…    “When I was a lad, Mum would send me down to the dairy with a shilling, and I’d come back with five pounds of potatoes, two loaves of bread, three pints of milk, a pound of cheese, a packet of tea, and half a dozen eggs.” […]

A man goes into a pet shop and asks, “Do you have any dogs going cheap?” The salesman says, “No, only our birds go cheep. Our dogs go WOOF!” * * * * I went to the cemetery yesterday and there were 4 pall bearers walking around with a coffin. An hour later they were […]

An older gentleman works for a Bunnings store, helping direct customers at the entrance. He’s a great success with customers and staff. He has an easy way with people and everyone loves him. He has just one fault: he is late for work nearly every morning. When it’s time for the manager to call him […]

Electric Car Owners Alert!  It was announced today that if you break down in an electric car, you can still use the AA. But if you break down in a small electric car, you have to use the AAA.

              Fred was telling his friend how his uncle tried to make a new car for himself… “so he took wheels from a Cadillac, a radiator from a Ford, some tyres and fenders from a Plymouth…”               “Holy Cow,” interrupted his friend, “What did he end up with?”               Fred replied, “Two years.”              

“Don’t get mad, get angry.” ~ Edwina Currie “Never the bride, always the bridegroom.”  ~ Peter Jones “Two heads are better than none.” ~ Jean Green “The hand that turns the doorknob opens the door.”   ~ D H Anderson “A person with false teeth may still speak the truth.”   ~ V. Earnest Cox “It’s better […]

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” ~ Albert Einstein “If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”                                           ~ George Burns “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to […]

An artist rang the gallery owner to ask if there had been any interest in her paintings that were on display. “Well, I have good news and bad news,” said the gallery owner. “The good news is that a gentleman noticed your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. I […]