Category: Jokes

  • The biggest turkey

    Just before Christmas, a lady went shopping for a turkey. She was rummaging around the frozen bird display looking for a turkey just the *right* size. She’d pick up one, weigh it in her hands and put it down, trying more than a few birds. She finally saw a stockboy coming down the aisle. Holding […]

  • Golfing priorities

                A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack. “Help me dear!” she whimpers to her husband.             The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off […]

  • Happy anniversary!

    Bob:     “Hey John, I hear your 25th wedding anniversary is coming up. Are you doing anything special for your wife?” John:    “I sure am. A few months ago, we were walking through a new part of town, and we passed a posh restaurant. My wife looked through the window and said, ‘That looks like a […]

  • A peaceful passing

    An oldie but a goodie sent in by Steve: “When I die, I’d like to go the way my grandfather did, quietly in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like his passengers.”                      ~ Bob Monkhouse

  • Ideal job

    “That’s a great place to work!” shouted my 16-year-old brother after coming home from the first day at his first job. “I get two weeks’ paid holiday.”“I’m so glad,” said my mother.“Yeah,” added John. “I can’t wait to find out where they send me!”

  • Doctor’s diagnosis

    I went to the doctor. He said, “I see you have an iron deficiency.”I said, “How can you tell?”He said, “Your shirt’s really creased.”

  • New pharmacist

    I started my new job today. It’s in the chemist just down the road. This bloke walked in and said, “I feel terrible, I’ve got a thumping headache, earache, sore throat and a runny nose. Have you got anything?” I said, “No, l feel fine.”

  • Busy doctor’s surgery

    A man calls his doctor’s surgery for an appointment.Receptionist: “I’m sorry, but we’re very busy. You’ll have to wait at least two weeks.”Man: “But I could be dead by then!”Receptionist: “No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment.”

  • Hard workers

    Two labourers were working for the city. One would dig a hole; dig, dig, dig. The other would come behind him and fill the hole; fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously. One digging a hole, the other filling it up again. A man watching was impressed at how hard these men were working, […]

  • Questions

    A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, “How does this boat float?” The father thought for a moment, then replied, “Don’t rightly know, son.” The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back […]