Category: Jokes

John: You know, it’s moments like these when I wish I’d been listening           to what my mother was always trying to tell me. Jill: What did she say? John: I don’t know, I wasn’t listening.

Mick and Tom both applied for the same job. Since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test by the interviewer. When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20. The interviewer went to Mick and said, “Thank you for coming to the interview, but we’ve decided […]

The president of a big bank fell off a seagoing yacht. While his friends frantically looked around for a life preserver, one of the crew shouted out:  “Hey, can you float alone?” “Of course I can,” gasped the floundering banker, “but this is a hell of a time to talk business!”

A little girl climbed onto the seat next to Santa. He smiled and asked her the usual question, ‘What would you like for Christmas?’ The little girl looked at him open mouthed and horrified for a moment.‘Didn’t you get my email?’ she gasped.

Just before Christmas, a lady went shopping for a turkey. She was rummaging around the frozen bird display looking for a turkey just the *right* size. She’d pick up one, weigh it in her hands and put it down, trying more than a few birds. She finally saw a stockboy coming down the aisle. Holding […]

            A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack. “Help me dear!” she whimpers to her husband.             The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off […]

Bob:     “Hey John, I hear your 25th wedding anniversary is coming up. Are you doing anything special for your wife?” John:    “I sure am. A few months ago, we were walking through a new part of town, and we passed a posh restaurant. My wife looked through the window and said, ‘That looks like a […]

An oldie but a goodie sent in by Steve: “When I die, I’d like to go the way my grandfather did, quietly in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like his passengers.”                      ~ Bob Monkhouse

“That’s a great place to work!” shouted my 16-year-old brother after coming home from the first day at his first job. “I get two weeks’ paid holiday.”“I’m so glad,” said my mother.“Yeah,” added John. “I can’t wait to find out where they send me!”

I went to the doctor. He said, “I see you have an iron deficiency.”I said, “How can you tell?”He said, “Your shirt’s really creased.”