Category: Jokes

  • In my day…

    When I was young we walked six miles to school every day, sometimes trudging in thick snow with schoolbags full of heavy books. Boy, did we feel silly when we found out there was a bus!

  • Bad Dad

    I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

  • Professional problem

    A doctor and a lawyer are talking at a party. Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out […]

  • Bad guard

    Lem: ”I got fired from my job as a bank guard.” Clem: ”That’s awful. What happened?” Lem: ”Well a thief came in to rob a bank. I drew my gun. I told him that if he took one more step, I’d let him have it.” Clem: ”What did thief do then?” Lem: ”He took one […]

  • Charity request

    A local Greenpeace office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful businessman. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you did not give a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you […]

  • Problem dog

    “I’ve really had it with my dog,” said the first guy to his neighbor. “He’ll chase anyone on a bicycle” “Hmmm, that is a problem,” said the neighbor. “What are you thinking of doing about it?” “Guess the only answer is to confiscate his bike!”

  • A few jokes

    Paddy texts his wife. “Mary, I’m just having one more pint with the lads. If I’m not back in 20 minutes, read this message again.” * * * * * We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church, and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance. At one point, our minister had […]

  • What a shame!

    “I’m ashamed of the way we live,” a young wife said to her lazy husband who refused to find a job. “My father pays our rent. My mother buys all of our food. My sister buys our clothes. My aunt bought us a car. I’m just so ashamed.” The husband rolled over on the couch. […]

  • Irish diet

    An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. ‘I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, then eat regularly again for 2 days then skip a day … And repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost […]

  • Beating the speed camera

    A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the […]