Category: Jokes

  • Real quotes from children

    “I’m not insulting you; I’m describing you.”  (Anonymous 6-year-old) “I love the sound of no-one talking.” (Anonymous 6-year-old) “Parmesan cheese is like glitter for your spaghetti.” (Callum, 4 years old) “I’ve been having a hard day for the last two years.” (Anonymous 4-year-old) “I can’t show you how much I missed you because my hands […]

  • These puns are fully groan…

    I had my patience tested. I’m negative. The older I get, the earlier it gets late. I got a new drum kit today. It takes some beating. I went to the paint shop to get thinner. It didn’t work. I don’t want to get technical or anything, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.

  • Some funny signs spotted

    On a maternity room door, “Push, Push, Push.” At an optometrist’s office, “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.” In the front yard of a funeral home, “Drive carefully, we’ll wait.” In a nonsmoking area, “If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and […]

  • Silly advice?

    A friend suggested putting horse manure on my strawberries. I’m never doing that again! I’m going back to whipped cream. My mum told me to put on a clean pair of socks every day. By the end of the week I couldn’t get my shoes on.

  • Finding the way

    A little boy waiting for his mother was approached by a man who asked, “Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?” The little boy replied, “Sure! Just go straight down this street two blocks and turn to your right.” The man thanked the boy kindly and said, “I’m the new pastor in […]

  • Three Bits of Silliness

  • Mother’s advice

    John: You know, it’s moments like these when I wish I’d been listening           to what my mother was always trying to tell me. Jill: What did she say? John: I don’t know, I wasn’t listening.

  • Best man for the job

    Mick and Tom both applied for the same job. Since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test by the interviewer. When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20. The interviewer went to Mick and said, “Thank you for coming to the interview, but we’ve decided […]

  • Sink or swim

    The president of a big bank fell off a seagoing yacht. While his friends frantically looked around for a life preserver, one of the crew shouted out:  “Hey, can you float alone?” “Of course I can,” gasped the floundering banker, “but this is a hell of a time to talk business!”

  • Talking to Santa

    A little girl climbed onto the seat next to Santa. He smiled and asked her the usual question, ‘What would you like for Christmas?’ The little girl looked at him open mouthed and horrified for a moment.‘Didn’t you get my email?’ she gasped.