Category: Jokes

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” ~ Albert Einstein “If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”                                           ~ George Burns “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to […]

An artist rang the gallery owner to ask if there had been any interest in her paintings that were on display. “Well, I have good news and bad news,” said the gallery owner. “The good news is that a gentleman noticed your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. I […]

A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender for his best scotch. The bartender reaches up to the top shelf and gingerly picks up a bottle of single malt, carefully pours a shot into a clean glass. The guy grabs the drink and throws it down his throat in one gulp. The bartender […]

Returning home from work, a not-so-bright guy was shocked to find his house ransacked and burgled. He telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the officer approached the house with his dog […]

“Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.” ~ Groucho Marx “Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.” ~ Mark Twain “Atheism is a non-prophet institution.” ~ George Carlin “I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!” ~ Stewart Francis “You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish. […]

A new employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there’s something wrong with her password. “The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars,” she says. “Those asterisks are to protect you,” the Help Desk technician explains, “so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn’t be able to read […]

Mary was out driving and while she was stopped at a red light, the car just died.  It was a busy intersection, and the traffic behind her starting growing. The guy in the car directly behind her started honking his horn continuously as Mary desperately tried to get the car to start up again. Finally, […]

*According to my latest Bank Statement, I have enough money to live in luxury for the rest of my life. As long as I die tomorrow. *Just booked a table for our wedding anniversary for me and my wife. Bound to end in tears though – she’s not much good at snooker. *I must be […]