Category: Jokes

  • Novice chicken farmer

    A new farmer goes into a farm supply store and orders two hundred chicks, explaining to the owner that he wants to start a poultry operation. Two weeks later, he returns to the store and buys another two hundred chicks. The owner is curious, but doesn’t say anything. The same thing happens when the farmer […]

  • Absent-mindedness twice over

    A friend of mine, who wishes to remain nameless, popped into my workplace recently to look for something that might have been left there. The item was not to be found. As she was leaving, my friend realised that she was no longer wearing the sunglasses she had had on when she walked in. She […]

  • On a lighter note

    I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she’d popped her clogs. I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu. Slept like a log last night…….. Woke up in the fireplace. I’ll tell […]

  • More funny signs

    In Ghana, people are ostensibly very religious. Taxis have quotes like “Not me but God” painted on their back windows and business names are often religious messages too. This can lead to some comical signs, such as: God Is In Control Sewing Batik God’s Time Is The Best Kitchen Trust Books and Stationery Not Me […]

  • Real life notices:

    “Toilet out of order. Please use the floor below.” On a laundromat washing machine: “Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.” “Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back, or further steps will be taken.” On a repair shop: “We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on […]

  • New to the building trade

    Some men in a pickup truck drove to a lumber yard. One of the men walked into the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.” The clerk asked, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?” The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck. He returned shortly afterwards and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.” […]

  • An honest lawyer

    A businesswoman, looking for a lawyer for her firm, was interviewing the first applicant. “In a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question,” she said. “Mr. Peterson, are you an honest lawyer?” “Honest?” replied the job prospect. “Why, I’m so honest that my dad lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education […]

  • Take it slow

    A man from the city visiting a small farm saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to an apple tree and the pig would eat the apples straight off the tree. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig […]

  • Actual Texas laws

    ~ It’s illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. ~ A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. ~ The entire Encyclopaedia Britannica is banned in […]

  • A list of useless products:

    – Cream of Mushroom Slurpee – Mobius toilet paper – Seeing-eye giraffes – Birthday candle snuffers – Ankle watch – Silicone thigh implants – Garfield condolence cards – Scrabble – special dyslexics’ edition – Intermittent headlights – Kosher communion wafers – Nuclear hand grenades