Category: Jokes

“I’ve really had it with my dog,” said the first guy to his neighbor. “He’ll chase anyone on a bicycle” “Hmmm, that is a problem,” said the neighbor. “What are you thinking of doing about it?” “Guess the only answer is to confiscate his bike!”

Paddy texts his wife. “Mary, I’m just having one more pint with the lads. If I’m not back in 20 minutes, read this message again.” * * * * * We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church, and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance. At one point, our minister had […]

“I’m ashamed of the way we live,” a young wife said to her lazy husband who refused to find a job. “My father pays our rent. My mother buys all of our food. My sister buys our clothes. My aunt bought us a car. I’m just so ashamed.” The husband rolled over on the couch. […]

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. ‘I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, then eat regularly again for 2 days then skip a day … And repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost […]

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the […]

A new farmer goes into a farm supply store and orders two hundred chicks, explaining to the owner that he wants to start a poultry operation. Two weeks later, he returns to the store and buys another two hundred chicks. The owner is curious, but doesn’t say anything. The same thing happens when the farmer […]

A friend of mine, who wishes to remain nameless, popped into my workplace recently to look for something that might have been left there. The item was not to be found. As she was leaving, my friend realised that she was no longer wearing the sunglasses she had had on when she walked in. She […]

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she’d popped her clogs. I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu. Slept like a log last night…….. Woke up in the fireplace. I’ll tell […]

In Ghana, people are ostensibly very religious. Taxis have quotes like “Not me but God” painted on their back windows and business names are often religious messages too. This can lead to some comical signs, such as: God Is In Control Sewing Batik God’s Time Is The Best Kitchen Trust Books and Stationery Not Me […]

“Toilet out of order. Please use the floor below.” On a laundromat washing machine: “Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.” “Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back, or further steps will be taken.” On a repair shop: “We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on […]