Category: Jokes

  • No need for a second opinion

    Patient: “Doctor, are you sure I’m suffering from pneumonia? I’ve heard once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus.” Doctor: “Don’t worry, it won’t happen with me. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia.”

  • Doctors’ strike

    Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors’ demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!

  • I can’t do that!

    A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer. “I can’t do that, officer.” “Why not?” “Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.” “Okay, we’ll just get a […]

  • Irish council workers

    There were two Irishmen working for the city. One would dig a hole, he would dig, dig, dig, The other would come behind him and fill the hole, fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously. One digging a hole, the other filling it up again. A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn’t […]

  • The good old days

    Granddad was reminiscing about the good old days… “When I were a lad, me mother would send me down to t’corner shop wi’ a shilling, and I’d come back wi’ five pounds o’ potatoes, two loaves o’ bread, three pints o’milk, a pound o’ cheese, a packet o’ tea, an’ ‘alf a dozen eggs.” Sadly […]

  • Lucky rabbit

    After buying her kids a pet rabbit, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mum, as usual, ended up with the responsibility. One evening, exasperated, she asked them, “How many times do you think that rabbit would have died if I hadn’t looked after it?” After a moment, her 5-year-old son replied quizzically, […]

  • A big chook

    When a woman requested a whole roaster at the market where I work, the butcher didn’t let on that the bird he presented her was the last one. “Do you have one that’s a little larger?” she asked. “Of course,” said the butcher. He took the roaster behind the counter, away from view, and made […]

  • The Spirit of Compromise

    My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway. “I’ll tell you what,” he told her. “In the spirit of compromise, why don’t you name the boat?” Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the […]

  • Blonde kidnapper

    Needing money desperately, a blonde decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom. She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took him behind a building, and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.” Then she wrote a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and […]

  • Ventriloquist offends blonde

    A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night, with his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:- ‘I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype […]