Category: Jokes

Here’s a great way to get in shape: Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, […]

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, ‘Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?’ He ignored me and continued writing […]

A young sailor is sitting in a bar having a few drinks when looks over and sees a pirate. The pirate has a wooden peg-leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over his eye. Unable to resist, the sailor goes over and asks, “How’d you end up with the peg-leg?” “I was swept […]

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long happy life?” “I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty […]

“Doctor, I have an ear ache.” o 2000 B.C. – “Here, eat this root.” o 1000 B.C. – “That root is heathen, say this prayer.” o 1850 A.D. – “That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.” o 1940 A.D. – “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.” o 1985 A.D. – “That pill is […]

The difference between a neurotic and a psychotic: A psychotic thinks that 2 + 2 = 5. A neurotic knows the answer is 4, but it worries him.

Patient: “Doctor, are you sure I’m suffering from pneumonia? I’ve heard once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus.” Doctor: “Don’t worry, it won’t happen with me. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia.”

Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors’ demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer. “I can’t do that, officer.” “Why not?” “Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.” “Okay, we’ll just get a […]

There were two Irishmen working for the city. One would dig a hole, he would dig, dig, dig, The other would come behind him and fill the hole, fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously. One digging a hole, the other filling it up again. A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn’t […]