Category: Jokes

Pressimism: Gloomy outlook on life resulting from reading the news.Percycution: Giving your child a name he will hate for the rest of his life.Headshunted: A sideways promotion.Sluggage: Bags that turn up two days after you do.Gymnauseum: Forcing yourself to go to the gym when you really don’t want to.Satire: Found a seat in a more […]

“My dad suggested I register for a donor card. He is a man after my own heart”        ~ Masai Graham  “Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job – knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.”   ~ Alan Rowe            “I decided to sell my […]

A friend always seemed to lean slightly to the left. It bothered me, so I suggested that he see a doctor and have his legs checked out. For years, he refused, telling me I was crazy, but last week, he finally went. Sure enough, the doctor discovered his left leg was a centimetre shorter than […]

The fog was so thick I could only see a few metres ahead. Luckily there was another car travelling slowly in front of me, so I followed it carefully, keeping my eyes trained on its tail-lights. We continued like this for what seemed like hours, when the car in front suddenly came to a complete […]

Granddad was reminiscing about the good old days…    “When I was a lad, Mum would send me down to the dairy with a shilling, and I’d come back with five pounds of potatoes, two loaves of bread, three pints of milk, a pound of cheese, a packet of tea, and half a dozen eggs.” […]

A man goes into a pet shop and asks, “Do you have any dogs going cheap?” The salesman says, “No, only our birds go cheep. Our dogs go WOOF!” * * * * I went to the cemetery yesterday and there were 4 pall bearers walking around with a coffin. An hour later they were […]

An older gentleman works for a Bunnings store, helping direct customers at the entrance. He’s a great success with customers and staff. He has an easy way with people and everyone loves him. He has just one fault: he is late for work nearly every morning. When it’s time for the manager to call him […]

Electric Car Owners Alert!  It was announced today that if you break down in an electric car, you can still use the AA. But if you break down in a small electric car, you have to use the AAA.

              Fred was telling his friend how his uncle tried to make a new car for himself… “so he took wheels from a Cadillac, a radiator from a Ford, some tyres and fenders from a Plymouth…”               “Holy Cow,” interrupted his friend, “What did he end up with?”               Fred replied, “Two years.”