Category: Jokes

A young sailor is sitting in a bar having a few drinks when looks over and sees a pirate. The pirate has a wooden peg-leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over his eye. Unable to resist, the sailor goes over and asks, “How’d you end up with the peg-leg?” “I was swept […]

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long happy life?” “I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty […]

“Doctor, I have an ear ache.” o 2000 B.C. – “Here, eat this root.” o 1000 B.C. – “That root is heathen, say this prayer.” o 1850 A.D. – “That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.” o 1940 A.D. – “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.” o 1985 A.D. – “That pill is […]

The difference between a neurotic and a psychotic: A psychotic thinks that 2 + 2 = 5. A neurotic knows the answer is 4, but it worries him.

Patient: “Doctor, are you sure I’m suffering from pneumonia? I’ve heard once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus.” Doctor: “Don’t worry, it won’t happen with me. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia.”

Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors’ demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer. “I can’t do that, officer.” “Why not?” “Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.” “Okay, we’ll just get a […]

There were two Irishmen working for the city. One would dig a hole, he would dig, dig, dig, The other would come behind him and fill the hole, fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously. One digging a hole, the other filling it up again. A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn’t […]

Granddad was reminiscing about the good old days… “When I were a lad, me mother would send me down to t’corner shop wi’ a shilling, and I’d come back wi’ five pounds o’ potatoes, two loaves o’ bread, three pints o’milk, a pound o’ cheese, a packet o’ tea, an’ ‘alf a dozen eggs.” Sadly […]

After buying her kids a pet rabbit, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mum, as usual, ended up with the responsibility. One evening, exasperated, she asked them, “How many times do you think that rabbit would have died if I hadn’t looked after it?” After a moment, her 5-year-old son replied quizzically, […]